Hair Relationship: talking about long vs short hair; Pen.Sive

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Hair is something I have always struggled with, my hair of course, and my relationship with it. I’ve talked about it once before on my old blog wherein I reveal my view of my hair, [and its connection with] self-love, and health therefore, I won’t be repeating the sentiments I’d already spoken about. Instead, I’ll continue the story.

I never really went through the actual cycle I was hoping to when I wrote that post. And you may be wondering why I’m mentioning it now.

I learned to love my hair as it is, improving my hair relationship.

For a short recap, around the end of 2015 when I dropped out of college I decided to tackle my hair issue. Sometime around 2017, I preemptively ended that journey. And a new more loving cycle began.

In the old post from 2017, I wrote about chopping my long hair that I struggled to love and care for. It went from reaching my lower back to being a bob. In the history of my life, that was one of the most liberating moments I’d ever experienced, both symbolically and also not. I was able to let go of the baggage I held on to for so long.

It was therapeutic. I don’t know how else to say it.

It’s not as if I have never had short hair before. When I graduated high school, my hair was an A-line bob, short in the back and long in the front. When I was in 10th grade, it was a thinned out bob. It was always either long or a bob. Even as a toddler I teetered between long hair and a bob.

Nevertheless, I struggled a lot with my image, my perception of self in part because of my hair. The journey of growing it and then cutting it was more freeing than I’d ever anticipated. The bob was not exactly where I wanted to end up in as I said I’ve had it before, but it was a good start.

I no longer had an extreme attachment to long hair as the defining factor of my self-worth which is the real goal. I was not my hair.

Despite this, I was still aching to reach that other goal- the goal of shaving my head.

So, I grew out my hair again in the attempt to start another long hair relationship.

Unfortunately, I liked short hair so much that I could never get it as long as I did back in 2017. Short hair has become something of a fun hairstyle for me. I get to really appreciate the curls I used to hate. I also didn’t equate the length of it to how feminine I was. And I didn’t worry much about it getting in the way. Therefore, I would cut it around spring or summer, grow it out during fall and winter. That was the schedule.

As is now.

After the summer of 2020, I grew my hair up to the mid-back, and that is honestly the longest I can take these days. My hair is on the thicker curly side so it can be tedious to take care of. I often tied it in a braid, but even that got tiring. Like usual whenever that happens, I ask my mom to just give it a trimming.

I stopped going to the salon to get a haircut unless I want something in particular that isn’t just a straight cut. It’s saved me over $50 because my haircuts usually cost around $25, and I used to get one at least twice a year. Now I don’t.

In the span between 2015 to today, I must’ve saved at least $350.

Getting a haircut, growing up, was such a big deal. For some reason, girls are told that our hair is a significant factor in us being, well, girls. That sort of thinking really messed me up. This is totally not me getting into a tangent about social norms or socially acceptable perceptions back when there was less respect for women/girls. 😝 I digress unless you want me to delve deeper into how this sort of old-fashioned thinking shaped my life…

The end to my hair journey.

I reached my goal this year though.

long to short

What do you think?

I didn’t really get that shaved hair I wanted as the end to the journey, but honestly, I ain’t mad. The hairdresser/stylist was scared to shave off half my hair, so we settled for this pixie. Gonna grow out my hair and shave it off next summer. 👍 Hoping, she’ll be okay shaving it then. 🤣

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